14 December 2017

Broken Mirror

Have you watched Thor Ragnarok belom? If you haven't, I suggest you to watch it soon.

This post may become a little spoiler for those who haven't watched it tho. Jadi, alkisah kita gak akan banyak melihat Thor pake palu ajaibnya itu di pilem ini karena palunya... pecah. Thor feels he's powerless. Selama ini dia kan 'berlindung' di balik palu ajaibnya itu. Once gone, separuh jiwaku pergi, kalau kata Thor.

One moment pas dia lagi perang, tanpa palunya, dia uda pasrah bakal mati. Lucunya, beberapa detik sebelum dia dibabat habis si musuh, dia kayak ketemu bokapnya di alam lain dan bokapnya ingetin dia.. "Are you a god of hammer, or a god of lightning?" kira-kira doski ngomong begitu.

Tul ugak. Lalu si Thor sadar, lah iya.. Gwe kan dewa petir bukan dewa palu. Kekuatan gwe bukan di palu, tapi di petir. Mungkin si Thor kira-kira mikir begitu. Then dia mengumpulkan segenap kekuatannya buat datengin petir dari langit and fight against his enemy and he wins!

...

Kadang, or keseringan, kita kayak si Thor. Instead of inget kalau kita anaknya siapa, kita 'berlindung' di balik identitas. Berlindung di balik 'tuntutan' orang lain ke kita. Berlindung di balik 'kenyamanan', berlindung di balik 'status', berlindung di balik 'jabatan', berlindung di balik 'muka cantik, wajah ganteng, otak pinter'. Or whatever you name it.

Know what, that was what Satan does. Dia pengin kita punya paradigma kalau identitas kita ditentukan dari apa yang kita pegang. From visible things. Likes di setiap post? Followers di Instagram? Viewers di Youtube? Merk Handphone? Merk Laptop? All visible things, you name it.

What I want to say is, kalau apa yang ada di tangan kita lenyap, kita pasti jadi gampang merasa unworthy, unloved, lonely and desperate. Our identity is much more than that. Our identity leans on what is unseen. Kayak Thor, dia dewa petir, emang dia bawa petirnya kemana-mana? Gak. But He knows he got that power and authority.

Our identity is we are the sons and daughters of the Most High. Tapi kita sering lupa sama identitas kita sendiri gara-gara keasikan main sama apa yang kasat mata. Iblis tahu that identity is so powerful makanya dia bikin kita jadi lupa dan gak sadar sama identitas kita. Soalnya kalau kita sadar identitas kita, duh.. iblis mah langsung tergeletak di kaki kita. Beneran. Tapi gwe, dan elu kadang lupa that we have that BIG power. Kita malah terlena dengan segala lies yang dilemparkan sama iblis.

"Lu gak berharga. Lu tuh udah bikin dosa.."
"Lu gak berguna, lu bisa apa sih? Nyanyi fals, gambar jelek, muka cemongan, ngomong gak becus.."
"Gak ada yang sayang sama elu, followers aja dari 2 tahun lalu cuma 50 biji.. Duh!"

All those lies muter-muter di pikiran kita, and make our soul grow weary. Kita jadi apatis sama sekeliling, kita jadi bodo amat, whatever will be will be. Geeez!

This identity topic has been in my mind for 2 weeks. Dan lucunya, bisa-bisa kayak my surroundings juga bahas hal serupa. Di www.elijahlist.com ini salah satunya.


If you and I are aware with our identity as children of Christ, then how we think will change, how we see will change. How we act will change, how we speak will change. Because we know we have the POWER to control it. We have the POWER to make life to the death and death to the life.

.........
updated: i was plan to give this article's title is, "Your identity is your weapon." Tapi berminggu-minggu ini postingan cuma gwe save di draft dan belum gwe post entah kenapa. Then, something happened. Kemarin gue didoain pastor dari LA, he's a prophet. Banyak yang dia doain buat gwe. But one thing I remembered, dia bilang, selama ini gue melihat diri gue with a broken mirror. While God creates me so beautifully and perfect, I saw myself with broken mirror. Paham dong? Kalau kaca retak dan pecah, otomatis kita gak bisa lihat diri kita clearly. Yang idungnya aslinya mancung, di kaca jadi mencong. Some kind like that. Many things bisa bikin kaca kita retak dan pecah, omongan pedes orangtua, omongan negatif sahabat, omongan guru, pacar, all negative things. While, we all are created wonderfully and perfectly. So, masih mau ngaca pake broken mirror lagi? I am not.

11 December 2017

Dedicated Post

I have once read this quote and somehow agreed with what's written.

"Some people don't know how to fall in love, like not knowing how to swim. They panic first when they jump in. Then they figure it out."

I am.

All these years, I imagined the love as the butterflies in your stomach, that romantic look in the eye everytime you see that person you love.

Me? I was sick for 7 days the day someone told me he loved me. HEHE.
Ya, singkatnya begitu.

People say, fall in love with a writer, then you'll be eternal. Sadly for these past 2 years i'm in 'kinda relationship' with someone, i've never written anything about him. So here I am, try to describe my feelings and my complicated story with a numb thumb (baru kejedot pintu dan berdarah zzz).

I'm in a relationship. A kinda complicated one.

When I decided to be with him.
Lots of people against him.
My parents (they still are), my circles, my friends.
Because of the look, they say.
Because of the wealth, they say.
Because of the sprituality, they say.
Because of the tribe, they say.

People easily judge a book by his cover.
People judge him by his outlook.
And if you give him a glance, you may agree with the rest of them,
That I "deserve" better.

But with him,
I learn many things.

I learn that love means accepting weaknesses.
I learn that love means still pursue our passion, yet we have to support each other.
I learn that love means sacrifice. Sacrifice your ego, your self-centered want.
I learn that love means you want the best for your spouse, no matter what costs.
I learn that love means always supporting each other.
I learn that love means you willing to face whatever may happen, together.
I learn that love doesn't always started in romantic eye-glazing.
I learn that love doesn't come in the same way as it comes to others' lives.
I learn that love is not falling, but grow.
I learn how to grow in love.
Most importantly,
I learn all of traits described in corinthians 13.

He is patient.
He is kind.
He does not envy.
He does not boast.
He is not proud.
He does not dishonor others (kadang ngebully orang sih dikit lol)
He does not self seeking
He is not easily angered (hmmmmmm HAHAHA)
He keeps no record of wrongs.
He does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
He always protects, always trusts, he always hopes, he always perseveres.

And if you read this (surely you will), once in these 2 years, let me list down these for you.

I love you the most when you worship Jesus.
I love you the most when you are on stage, playing your instrument, close your eyes and worship.
I love you the most when you are on your drum sets.
I love you the most when you play with children.
I love you the most when you care to the weirdest person in our community.
I love you the most when you always give.
I love you the most when you always try to do your best, even when people look down on you.
I love you the most when you always let others be better than you.
I love you the most when you give your money to the poor when I know there isn't much left in your wallet.
I love you the most, because you love me more than my most.

Idk how this will be end.
But I hope we'll have the happy ending.


As how God showed me the rainbow as a sign of His promises for this relationship,
As how the prophet told you that He will give you what you asked for,
I hope we'll share the good and bad for more years to come.

Imanuel.
God with us, always.
This entry was posted in

06 November 2017

NEW DOMAIN AFTER 8 YEARS OF BLOGGING!

I'm sorry for the capslock! HEHE

But here it is.... finally setelah 8 tahun blogging, you don't have to type www.storyaboutteen.blogspot.com to jump in to my blog. Now you can only type WWW.STORYABOUTTEEN.COM. yeaaaay.. Yes, I'm buying a domain! *niat ya* 

It's counted also as a push supaya gwe semakin rajin menulis. I don't know if you ever read how this blog was made, soalnya kayaknya gwe pernah ngepost tapi lupa judul postingannya apa.



Long short story, blog ini bermula dari 2009 dimana gwe abis putus cinta kala itu. Gwe menumpahkan perasaan gwe di diary, buku biasa yang akhirnya dibaca sama nyokap dan malah kena omel karena ketahuan pacaran. Pft. Di saat-saat itulah temen gwe nawarin bikin blog, katanya gak bakal mungkin dibaca nyokap because orangtua mana saat itu yang paham soal internet dan blog.

So I started to write at that moment, awalnya kisah-kisah sedih patah hati doang. Tapi lama-lama kok malu sendiri ya. Then I started to write better things, better articles. And here I am, 8 years later. I'm still trying to write meski udah (sok) sibuk. HEHE. 

Btw, that moment taught me many things. Salah satunya adalah to open my eyes to realize that I have capability to write. Gak mau sombong, but in my 8 years journey of writing, I have received a lot of messages, email, Instagram DMs from my friends to strangers how they're blessed by my writing. 

All glory to God. That was what they called mess into message, test into testimony. Soalnya kalau dulu gwe ga patah hati, I will never write a blog and I will never know that my passion is in WRITING. 

Yeah... So here I am.... Thank you for read this! Thank you if you are one of those people who stick with me for years. Or even if you are newbie to this blog, enjoy reading all my upside down journey, with Christ especially.

Oh ya, and why STORY ABOUT TEEN? Because I was a TEENager back then, gwe cuma mau encourage orang-orang saat itu kalau, kalian gak sendirian. Karena admit it, momen remaja itu momen paling rumit. Momen di mana kita aja gak paham sama diri kita sendiri. 

The other reason is because people call me Teen (alias Titin) HEHE. Ini versi keren aja dibuat jadi teen. So, yes, it's about my story that I wish can be a lesson learnt, an encouragement for my reader.

Enjoy!


Love,
Teen.

03 November 2017

God who brought me back to Life






[Verse 1]
Where would I run
But to the throne of mercy
Where would I kneel
But at this cross of grace
How great the love
How strong the hand that holds us
Beautiful, so beautiful

[Verse 2]
There is a King
Who bore the scars of healing
There is a Son
Who came in grace and truth
How great the love
That carries us to kindness
Wonderful, You’re wonderful

[Chorus]
So here, I bow, to lift You high
Jesus, be glorified
In all things, for all my life
I am Yours, forever Yours

[Bridge]
God here, and now, be lifted high
Right here, and now, be glorified
God of heaven and earth
God who brought me back to life
I am Yours, forever Yours
God here, and now, be lifted high
Right here, and now, be glorified
God of heaven and earth
God who brought me back to life
I am Yours, forever Yours


Beberapa minggu terakhir, lagi jatuh cinta banget sama lagu ini. I don't know why tapi this song keep played in my mind terus-terusan, apalagi di bagian lirik "God who brought me back to life". IT WAS ME THESE WHOLE MONTHS!

Nope, I wasn't just awake from death, wkwkw bukan itu maksud gwe. But I probably died in spirit, few weeks ago, few months ago. Males baca Alkitab, males baca renungan, males muji nyembah Tuhan, even males sama orang-orang gereja yang "woi apa bedanya lu apa orang yang gak kenal Tuhan?" Malah mungkin bagusan sikap orang-orang yang gak pernah ke gereja daripada elu. Pait. That's it. Pait sama dunia pergerejaan and it makes impact ke jadi males juga cari Tuhan. *manusia durhaka, yang salah manusia, yang disalahin Tuhan.* HEHE

So, I was all that! Dan tentunya, the only thing that can drag us away from God is.. SIN. Yup, I failed into sin that I can't tell here right now, probably later. Sin that made me intimidated dan malu buat even ngejer Tuhan. So gwe kayak... yaudalah ya... While gwe tahu Tuhan uda mau dateng coi! dan gwe sadar dengan kesadaran penuh kalau Tuhan datang saat itu, fix gwe babay ketinggalan di bumi yang akan penuh dengan kecoak ini. 

ps: btw, i know get it kenapa ada 2 perumpamaan tentang anak hilang dan domba yang hilang. Anak hilang knows what he doing! Dia tahu dia berdosa dan kabur dari Tuhan, all is because his willing, consciousness and act. Kalau si domba, dia tersesat. Dia ga sadar dia menjauh dari Tuhan sampe tiba-tiba.. EH KOK GWE DI SINI, KOK GWE BEGINI.. Bisa karena pergaulan, bisa karena salah doktrin dan pengajaran, bisa karena banyak hal. dan gwe, adalah si bungsu yang sadar sepenuhnya kalau gwe lagi kabur dari Tuhan.

Back to topic,

Thank God that was few weeks ago. Now i'm recovering.... 
Bermula dari memasuki umur 26 tahun *UDAH TUAAAAAA*, gwe yang biasa adalah gwe yang kinda curious with what God wants to do with my life pas di pergantian tahun. Gwe biasanya merenung dan berdoa, Tuhan kira-kira kasih petunjuk apa ya, apa yang jadi ayat pegangan. Tahun ini, gwe... flat. Gwe memasuki umur 26 tahun dengan yaudah gitu aja. Mana pake drama berantem sama emake, dan lagi di luar kota alias kota kecil karena akong gwe meninggal.

Oke, masuk 26, gwe apatis. Oh, umur baru. Oke sip, jangan lupa kado, traktir orang, done.
Tapi emang dasar we're born with the essence of God and identity of His child, deep down in our heart, kita agak lumayan ngeh, kalau denger sesuatu, tiba-tiba kayak "ITU BUAT ELU." And days after gwe ultah, gwe mulai terngiang-ngiang 1 kata, RESTORATION.

Mulai dari cici gereja yang doain tentang itu, dia doain gwe 40 menit HHAHAHAH dan dia sempet bilang restoration dan Tuhan ga mau lihat masa lalu kita. Terus, ada pendeta dari Amrik tiba-tiba bilang dia mau ke youth gwe karena Tuhan taroh di hati dia satu kata, PEMULIHAN. KOK BISA SAMAA????

Terus pas lagi ngobrol-ngobrol sama si cici gereja gwe itu... dia tiba-tiba kasih ayat, “Berapa lama lagi engkau mundur maju, hai anak perempuan yang tidak taat? Sebab Tuhan menciptakan sesuatu yang baru di negeri: perempuan merangkul laki-laki.”” -Yeremia 31:22 TB NYEHEHE KOK NGESELIN YEKAN.

Perempuan merangkul laki-laki means saatnya para mempelai Tuhan back to His heart. nahcakep.

Days after, gwe kayak anak bungsu galau yang pengen balik sama bapaknya tapi malu dan takut dibuang dan gak dianggep anak lagi. But lucky me, cici gereja ini so supportive, mulai dari ayat, doa sampe wejangan beribu-ribu dia kasih ke gwe and it made me berani melangkah untuk chase after Him lagi, sebut saja untuk pulang :")

And here I am now, I guess I am home already. How does I know? Because I finally can feel His presence lagi. U-turnnya adalah pas di rumah doa. gile, biasanya di rumah doa gereja gwe, gwe ngantuk...... dan kadang ketiduran, atau kesemutan. HE HE HE. Tapi 2 minggu lalu, it was lit. Tiba-tiba kenceng in my heart and spirit, "penyelarasan."

Tapi gwe yang uda lama hilang ini kan aga malu untuk maju ke depan dan doa pake mic didenger semua orang. Eh terus WL-nya bilang "siapa yang terbeban buat doa" LAH KOCAK. terus lebih reseknya lagi, cici gereja gwe ini tiba-tiba narik gwe untuk doa ke depan. *ps: si cicik ini ibarat cuma satu cm bedanya sama Tuhan, peka bener..*

Nah, terus gwe maju dan berdoa. And it was the most powerful prayer I have prayed for few months lately. Kaget sendiri.... And I feel like dicas lagi sama sumber dari segala sumber.
So, here I am.... Trying to spread the testimony because I know, I'm not the only one yang lagi ngalamin hal ini. Bosen, capek, muak, tawar hati, kering, enek, sebut semua itu. Gwe banyak ngobrol sama beberapa orang dan mereka lagi ngalamin hal yang sama. Belum lagi masalah-masalah datang silih berganti dan bahkan masalah yang kita cari-cari sendiri. Semua itu bikin kita jadi down and males in the spirit.

But hey, WAKTUNYA UDA DEKET COI BENERAN DEH. And we don't want to end up in flesh what we started in spirit kan? *gwe lupa ayatnya dimana..* Whatever you're going through now, BALIK LAGI CEPETAN SAMA TUHAN... Dimulai dari mana? Ini gwe jg bingung.

You can start from listening to songs that lift up your spirit
You can start from sharing with the person you trust (they must be a christ-centered person)
You can start from whispering in your bed at night, "God I need You"
You can start from avoiding your flesh desire to make sin and hurt God.
You can start from anywhere, but.. NOW.

Saatnya anak-anak Tuhan bangkit, because percaya deh, kebangkitan is contagious. Kalau elu personal uda bangkit, you have the fire untuk bangkitin orang-orang di sekitar elu. You can encourage them and help them. And it's contagious. Not saying this just because I’m the most right after all, it’s just because.. we can learn this together! I also still learning..


Beginilah firman TUHAN: Ia mendapat kasih karunia di padang gurun, yaitu bangsa yang terluput dari pedang itu! Israel berjalan mencari istirahat bagi dirinya! Dari jauh TUHAN menampakkan diri kepadanya: Aku mengasihi engkau dengan kasih yang kekal, sebab itu Aku melanjutkan kasih setia-Ku kepadamu. Aku akan membangun engkau kembali, sehingga engkau dibangun, hai anak dara Israel! Engkau akan menghiasi dirimu kembali dengan rebana dan akan tampil dalam tari-tarian orang yang bersukaria. Engkau akan membuat kebun anggur kembali di gunung-gunung Samaria; ya, orang-orang yang membuatnya akan memetik hasilnya pula. (Yeremia 31: 2-5)







15 April 2017

And the greatest of these is love.

YEAAAY HELLO WORLD!

Maafkan diriku yang tak pernah muncul lagi di blog ini since last 2016. Hehehe.. Bukan sok sibuk atau belagu atau sombong, it's just.... when kerjaan lu tiap hari nulis artikel berhalaman-halaman dan still have to write another one to blog is just...... tiring. And since I now udah resign, so I think I'll be back to my old routine (semoga konsisten). Miss me enough? #kepedean

So yeah....... Hello again.

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." -1 Corinthians 13:13.

Few years ago, pas baca ayat ini, I was wondering, kenapa ya, dibilang kalau the greatest of these is love? Kenapa cinta paling utama dan paling penting? Bukannya harusnya hope ya? When you have no hope, you'll choose death instead. When you have no faith, you have no 'pegangan.' I was wondering, why love? Bukannya hope is something that will make you keep on going, keep on moving. Then, why love?

Still can't find the answers, I decided to leave the question unanswered.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Hari ini we celebrated Good Friday. Tahun-tahun sebelumnya juga. Bedanya, tahun ini I got the answer for the question above. Why love?

Imagine, you met a guy, full of sin, full of criminal records. Penjahat super kelas kakap. One day dia dipenjara, and his father come to visit. Despite all the wrongs he did, bokapnya malah peluk dia... "Son, I love you. I love you. No matter what, you still my beloved son."

Bandingin kalau bokapnya datang ke penjara dan bilang.. "Kamu tetap harus punya pengharapan, nak!" atau "Kamu ingat, Tuhan nggak pernah tidur.". Bandingin sama kalau bokapnya ngomong, "Son, I love you.." Which one will work more? I believe the third!

Bayangin, what will he do? Dia bakal nangis sekejer-kejernya, dan I believe, dia bakal promise to himself for being a good guy after this. Gue jamin, dia bakal bertobat dan ninggalin semua crime-nya itu. Because indeed all people need is love.

Berapa banyak orang yang kamu kenal, yang sekarang jadi suck person, jadi orang paling nyebelin dan jahat, or even psikopat, they all have problems with love! Entah with their parents atau pacar atau sahabatnya dulu. Entah merasa nggak dikasihi, nggak dipeduliin, nggak diperhatiin, nggak disayang dan nggak dianggap. All are love problems.

I know a guy.

Dia tajir, punya bokap yang super baik. Tapi dasar nggak tahu diri, doi malah bawa kabur duit bokapnya dan ngabisin buat hal-hal nggak penting. He drunk, he wasted his dad's money on useless things. One day he broke, bangkrut sejadi-jadinya. Mau pulang ke rumah, malu dan gengsi lah. Gile..

But he had no choice, he had no money left. Udah super jadi gelandangan dan pengangguran. Di tengah keterpurukannya itu, he remembered of his dad. Dia inget bokapnya yang super mengasihi dia, yang sayang sama dia, yang peduli sama dia. That remembrance of love bikin dia akhirnya pulang, ketemu bokapnya dan as predicted, bokapnya langsung lari dan meluk anaknya. So much love for this guy!

His life written in Luke 15:11-32
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Perasaan dicintai bikin kita bertekad untuk berubah.
Perasaan dicintai bikin kita bertekad untuk meninggalkan semua kebiasaan buruk kita.
Perasaan dicintai bikin kita punya alasan untuk tetap hidup.
Perasaan dicintai bikin kita punya alasan untuk melanjutkan hidup.

Remember Hulk, si Kong di film *lupa judulnya apa*, and even the Beast di Beauty and the Beast?

Mereka semua digambarkan sebagai sosok 'monster' yang susah banget ditaklukin, but only one thing yang bisa jinakin mereka, love. Ketika sang cewek masing-masing datang dan cuma dengan tatapan or sentuhan penuh cintanya, bisa bikin these beasts takluk.

Yes, that is the power of love.
-------------------------------------------------------------
And I just wanna share this thing, God loves you more than anything. Good Friday bukan cuma momen Tuhan mati di kayu salib dan selesai. Good Friday adalah momen peringatan BETAPA BESAR dan DALAMNYA KASIH TUHAN BUAT SETIAP KITA. (oke, was too excited about this).

Duh, Tuhan.. Beneran deh, gue tuh masih banyak dosa. Gue masih lakuin a,b,c,d,e,....,z yang bikin Tuhan sedih. The sentence those Priest say about "God loves you" definitely bukan buat gue. Oh, mungkin buat orang di sebelah gue yang kayaknya holy banget nih. Bukan buat gue pastinya..

These two days, untuk kesekiaaaaan ribu kalinya, Tuhan mengingatkan gue akan satu hal, Tuhan sayang sama gue, no matter what I did, no matter how many wrongs I've made. Ketika gue sadar hal itu, gue 100% bertekad dan berkomitmen untuk nggak lagi bikin Dia kecewa dan sedih. Nggak mau lagi ngecewain Tuhan. That simple!

And that was Good Friday is all about..

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16)

For God so loved me!
For God so loved you!

Jadikan momen Good Friday ini jadi momen kita buat merenung.

Percaya deh, these few months lately, I wasn't that worth to love.
I made lots of sins.
I made lots of wrong things.
But what,
God still loves me.
Setelah gue renungin,
Gue dikasih kerjaan baru yang benefitnya lebih oke.
Gue tetep dijaga, kesehatan gue baik-baik aja, my family okay, my friends too.
Gue masih bisa nafas, gue masih bisa jalan-jalan, makan enak.
Gue bahkan bisa liburan ke Bali. (Bisa aja Tuhan muak sama gue and made the airplane lost somehow HEHE)
Intinya, Tuhan sayang sama gue!

And the moment I realize, is the moment I have promised myself not to do the wrongs again.
------------------------------------------------------------
So now, 
Do you know, God loves you?
Do you know, even lu bikin dosa sejibun, God loves you?
Do you know, even lu jadi manusia paling ngeselin di muka bumi, God loves you? 
Do you know, the God of Heaven and earth, loves you?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Btw, nyepi kemarin gue ada di Bali. And I see those super clear sky yang ditaburi bintang. You will never see those kind of sky di Jakarta karena banyak polusi udara dan polusi cahaya. Tapi waktu di Bali, pas satu Bali matiin lampu karena lagi nyepi, bintang di langit kelihatan semua. Dan indahnya............ ya Tuhan. Gue ampe mau mewek. Sadly nggak bisa difoto sama kamera gue yang seadanya itu. But hey! Tuhan pencipta langit dan bintang yang super indah itu, sayang sama lu dan gue yang penuh dosa! Isn't it beautiful?
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You put Your love on the line
To bear the weight of sin that was mine
Washing my river of wrongs
Into the sea of Your infinite love

With arms held high
Lord I give my life
Knowing I'm found in Christ
In Your love forever
With all I am
In Your grace I stand
The greatest of all romance
Love of God my Saviour

Mercy roars like hurricane winds
Furious love laid waste to my sin

To the one who has rescued my soul
To the one who has welcomed me home
To the one who is Savior of all
I sing forever (Love on the Line - Hillsong Worship)


ps: sorry kepanjangan. Duh!